Bulge? I’ve Got Yer Bastogne Right Here!

There’s nothing quite like receiving a nasty surprise at the doctor’s office.

One of the nasty side effects of depression is weight gain. Since you don’t want to do anything, you don’t do anything. Since not doing anything means not getting exercise … well, you get the idea.

Over the past year or so I’ve been hovering around 270 with barely enough energy to get up, never mind go to the gym. However recently I’ve been feeling a lot better and getting out more. I haven’t made it back to the gym (yet, dammit), but I’ve been doing quite a bit of walking. This was especially true during my recent trip. I genuinely thought I looked better and was losing weight as a result.

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The canals are running. It’s been nice around here.

So you can imagine my surprise when the nurse told me I weighed 289 pounds. Excuse me, what? Damn! This was followed by the doctor’s advice to change my diet. “No burgers. Try broccoli,” he said. Ha! Sure, I’m willing to make changes, but they’re not going to involve broccoli. My disdain for it is the stuff of legend. Ask Beachy.

Still, this requires more than just switching to Diet Pepsi and reduced fat Triscuit. Blech. Since I neither cook nor am willing to hop down the rabbit food trail, this means I need to get creative. After the doctor’s appointment I headed straight to Boise’s fabulous co-op market. If there’s any place in town which can address my quandary, that’s it.

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They carry this stuff, which is the bomb.

What I’m doing is essentially learning to shop for food again by means of trial and error. In addition to instant Indian, I also picked up some stevia-sweetened black cherry soda (surprisingly good), some of those Odwalla “Superfood” juices (meh) as well as some pita bread and hummus. Oh yes, I see a shitload of hummus in my future.

Speaking of shit, I’m also trying one of those cleansing treatments because:

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So does your use of “alot,” but I digress.

I suppose it’s working so far. I’ve already dropped around eight pounds. Perhaps more importantly, I feel awesome, as in genuinely better than I’ve been in a very long time. This may very well be the week I finally return to the gym, but we’ve all heard that one before ….

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