Jun 18

The Stuffed Pilgrimage

I think my daughter and I solved the Beachy issue from a few days back. Although she wanted me to refer to her by her real name here, her mother vetoed that. Fortunately we’ve come up with a solution which should satisfy everyone. She has agreed to be known here on SB simply as “Σ.” If you like you can call her Sigma. Along those lines, my twin nieces – who are toddlers living in the Portland, Oregon, area – will be henceforth known as “π” and “μ” respectively.

EarlyAthenianCoin

No, none of us are even remotely Greek. Just work with me here.
Image credit: PHGCOM

This is a fortuitous turn of events, since all three young ladies figure into today’s narrative.

Continue reading

Jun 17

Pardon the Mess

As mentioned a couple days ago, it’s high time SB started to at least pretend to take care of me as much as I take care of it. That means such things as Amazon Associate stores, affiliate programs and – yes – the dreaded banner ad. Frankly I’ve grown tired of doing this strictly out of the kindness of my heart.

Of course, WordPress has to go and inconvenience me by severely limiting my monetization options unless I moved the blog off their servers. I suppose y’all know what that meant:

Nagasakibomb

Yup. Something about death, destroyer of worlds ….

It meant switching the DNS back to Go Daddy, which is major surgery even in the best of conditions. I wasn’t entirely sure I’d be back online tonight, if at all.

Continue reading

Jun 16

Ride of the Stationery

This utterly contemptible lethargy continues. Not even a Wagnerian chimpanzee was able to snap me out of it today.

EXIF_JPEG_T422

Yes, you read that right.

But it’s a holiday, Father’s Day. MY holiday, right? Certainly that should snap me out of it.

Continue reading

Jun 10

It Begins

Ladies and gentlemen, I’ve written about it repeatedly. However today, the day I’ve anticipated for over eight months finally arrived. Rejoice!

EXIF_JPEG_T422

And not a moment too soon, I might add.

No, Charles Barkley didn’t convince me to join Weight Watchers. You’re getting warm, though.

Continue reading

Jun 07

Friday Crap Roundup XVII

Wow, there’s not much to go on for today’s FCR. Although most of my week has been monopolized by an eight-year-old, my Facebook feed usually provides more than enough weirdness for me. Not this week. It’s almost as if everyone was as lethargic as my daughter and I were out at Camel’s Back Park this afternoon. Idahoans generally don’t do well in hot, humid conditions.

owyheedesert

This ain’t exactly Cherrapunji, you know.
Image credit: Greg Harness

Continue reading

Jun 06

Daddy Until Death

My daughter is truly a force of nature. Earlier today I went in for a much-needed eye exam at the local Costco. She spent the balance of the appointment grilling the optometrist and choosing out new glasses for me. I must admit she did a good job with the latter. They look good, and at $39 they were among the least expensive in stock.

Afterwards she proceeded to get a temporary tattoo in the image of “Costco Sally,” who looked like a cross between Raggedy Ann and the Cat in the Hat.

the_cat_in_the_hat_by_nightshadow69-d4vqtdz

We didn’t get it either.
Image credit: ~Nightshadow-Horus

As soon as it dries she proceeds to scratch the tattoo off. “Why get it if you were going to do that?” I asked.

“Destruction makes me feel better,” she replies, also noting she forgot she was allergic to temporary tattoos.

This was all BEFORE lunch, mind you.

Continue reading

Jun 02

Dating as Performance Art

This month marks my four-year divorce anniversary. Although I’ve dated from time to time in the interim, for the most part since then I’ve been a single man. I can’t imagine why.

scowl

Being such a catch and all.

For most of that time I’ve maintained profiles on several dating sites, notably OkCupid and POF. I’m not entirely sure why, though. The results have been, shall we say, less than impressive.

Continue reading

May 30

Rewards Are Relative

For several months Beachy and others have been after me to get my computer set up for Skype video calls. While I certainly have the know-how to make this happen, I haven’t had the right equipment. Specifically, I didn’t have a webcam. Yes, I know they’re inexpensive and easy to find. I just hadn’t got around to doing it.

Well, today I have one, sort of.

Ciné-Kodak_Special_II_b

No more sprockets for me!
Image credit: Frank Gosebruch

Continue reading

May 28

Gaming for Luddites

I was born in the United States in 1973. If you were too, you either (1) heard of the Atari 2600 or, (2) grew up under a rock. Note I said “heard of” instead of “owned.”

800px-Intellivision-Console-Set

While most definitely familiar with the Atari, I owned one of these bad boys.
Image credit: Evan-Amos

I often get nostalgic for the 8-bit halcyon days of the 80s. Be it the romance of the video arcade before it descended into Chuck E. Cheese corporate banality, or the simple Zen of playing BurgerTime on Intellivision, if there’s one thing I miss about childhood, that’s it. The adept video game historians among you know Intellivision was technically superior to the Atari 2600, so you might assume I’ve ridden the crest of technology ever since.

Well, you’d be mistaken.

Continue reading

May 27

At the Risk of Trying Too Hard

This is supposed to be a funny blog. It’s also supposed to be a blog about what’s on my mind at the moment. Most of the time I can reconcile the two fairly easily. Not today.

For me, Memorial Day is a source of depression going back decades. This has nothing to do with military service, and I certainly don’t mean to belittle the holiday’s meaning by dwelling on myself. Still, personal history weighs heavy on my mind.

bobrossjesusfail

And as with any other artistic endeavor, trying too hard at humor often leads to disaster.
Image credit: ponyboy-draws

Continue reading