Aug 16

Friday Crap Roundup XXVII

I must have slept on my side weird last night, as I’m now in almost incapacitating pain. I fear if a sneeze catches me off guard, I’ll spew my visceral contents all over the 1976 World Book Encyclopedia set immediately to my left.

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Cleaning supplies on hand are woefully inadequate for such a scenario.

I suppose this means I’d better finish this week’s FCR before I turn the Command Center into even more of a biohazard than it already is.

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Aug 15

This Post Sucks

Nearly 20 years ago, Primus came out with this little gem celebrating everyone’s favorite television cartoon fartnockers.

Poetry: “huh huh huh huh huh/huh huh huh m huh huh m/huh huh m uh huh”

Now why did I never buy that album? Oh yes, it was because they ruined it with a Cher duet. That sucked.

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Aug 04

Gaines No Longer

For the better part of my childhood I liberally used Yiddish insults and similar phrases in everyday speech. You know, terms such as “schmuck,” “putz,” “schmendrick” and “chutzpah.”

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To this day I use the initials “FEH” when I log a video game high score.
Image credit: Ian Westcott

I grew up in the 2T and knew a grand total of zero Jews during my childhood. How the the hell did I pick this habit up?

Why, Mad magazine of course.

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Aug 03

Scraping the Bottom of the Archives

It’s been a while since I wrote a post on old media clips from my childhood. I should come back to this well more often.

Painful as it might be.

Ah, the things I subject myself to for my art.

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Aug 02

Friday Crap Roundup XXV

I’ve somehow made it to the 25th FCR. That’s nearly half a year of these posts. Sneferu was a mere kitten when I started this blog. Today’s he’s a year old.

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And he can hardly contain himself.

We’ve got a few more weeks until Djoser’s birthday in October. I’m sure that will be equally exciting. In the meantime sit back and enjoy the FCR.

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Jul 22

Tripe Goes Mainstream

Earlier today, thousands of miles from the Command Center, a baby was born who is doomed to live his life through the lens of TMZ. Sure, one day he’ll be King of England, but that’s a long ways off. Hell, the kid doesn’t even have a name yet and he’s already choking up the tabloids.

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My suggestion of “Ringo Morrissey Lydon Iommi” will likely be ignored.
Image credit: Leo Reynolds

This means I actually have something in common with the mainstream media today: neither one of us have any real news.

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Jul 19

Friday Crap Roundup XXIII

My fundamental quandary, conveniently encapsulated in flow chart form:

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Oh Mr. Flow Chart, you have no idea ….

In spite of it all, I still have the energy and desire to write the FCR, albeit a short one this week.

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Jul 13

Saturday in the Park

Today was definitely a kid’s sort of day in the 2T. As mentioned a couple days ago, Σ was signed up for Kids Art in the Park. I think this was her fifth consecutive year at the event. Considering she’s only eight, that’s a big deal in her world.

claypot

Although clay isn’t exactly her specialty.
Image credit: Akif A Khan

Yeah, she started her clay pot over three times until she finally made something resembling an ashtray. We’ll find out for sure once it’s fired.

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Jul 09

Lane Tells You How To Write!

This is SB’s 150th post since its launch in February. Some of you are no doubt asking, “Lane, how the hell did you write 150 original posts in such a short time?”

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“And is it your ‘sesqui-crap-tennial’?”
Image credit: Idaho State Historical Society

Well, it’s worth noting that SB isn’t my first writing gig by a long shot. I’ve been published in several places over the past 20 years or so. I worked as an acquisitions editor for a small publishing house in Philadelphia. While there a few years ago I helped produce a biography called From Bordello to Ballot Box. I think it’s safe to say I know what I’m doing.

So wanna write like me? The following is by no means an exhaustive how-to, but it should get you started.

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Jul 01

No Clock Tower in the 2T

I’m in a really, really bad mood tonight. Since I’ve been down here in the 2T I haven’t had enough sleep. Now even the smallest things are setting me off. You know, like light and sound.

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And the constant Honey Boo Boo promos aren’t helping.
Image credit: Lwp Kommunikáció

Yes, Σ’s obsession with TLC continues. She says she doesn’t like Honey Boo Boo, but I have my doubts.

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