Jan 24

Friday Crap Roundup XXXIII: Crap I Like

When I started SB nearly a year ago the intent was to supplement what I wrote at Cracked. Unfortunately, as of today said contributions at Cracked comprise entirely of a single Photoplasty entry. I haven’t even sent them a proposal in months. It’s very much a lack of desire on my part, and also because I think they’ve slipped a bit recently. Don’t get me wrong, they still produce great stuff from time to time. I’m just not “feeling” them as much anymore.

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Too many movie and video game articles I frankly don’t give a rat’s ass about.
Image credit: Valve Corporation

That said, there’s plenty of other good stuff out there. That’s a good thing, given what kind of a slacker I am.

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Jan 06

Socialist (Networking) Realism

Hi there. Remember me?

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You know, your Great Leader of Snark.

Although I haven’t been writing much lately, I’ve been expressing myself creatively via other means. To wit, I’m learning Photoshop (well, OK, GIMP 2.8). I’m also a bit of a smartass. Turns out my daughter shares my bizarre sense of humor.

This, of course, should come to the surprise of exactly no one.

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Aug 19

Mexican-Inspired Blogging

That sharp pain in my left side I alluded to a couple days ago is back with a vengeance. So much so I spent most of the day in bed.

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It laughs in the face of ibuprofen.

Given that the highlight of my day was going downstairs to get the mail – a slow, excruciating process by the way – I was left with little to write about. Once again, in order to make the blog work I’m forced to pull something out of my ass.

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Jul 25

“Other” Revelations

It’s amazing how quickly a subject for this blog sometimes presents itself.

Since Σ and I are going to Portland in a couple days to see Rush, she’s staying with me beginning tonight. Having just put her to bed, I was resigned to writing tonight about how she’s looking forward to an all-day car trip to Oregon’s I-5 corridor to … “go to the mall.”

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Which, as I told her, makes about as much sense as going to Japan to eat at McDonald’s.

As it turns out, you can thank the UK’s Daily Mail for saving you from reading about that.

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Jul 23

Writing Q & A With Lane

You’d think a topic like Writer’s Tuesday would be easy. At least I did. But when writer’s block gets bad around here, it gets real freakin’ bad.

So today I decided to go to Facebook and Twitter and ask what y’all want to know from a professional writer. I’m glad to say I got enough material to write a halfway presentable entry. Well, at least I did from Facebook.

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I increasingly wonder why I bother with Twitter at all.
Image credit: Ben Ho

Much thanks for letting me bullshit through yet another day here.

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Jul 15

Ignoring a Milestone

“So, how does it feel to be 40?”

Yup, I officially entered my fifth decade today at 8:46 a.m. Command Center time. So far 40 feels … tired.

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Well, OK. Not THAT tired.
Image credit: kqedquest

Nevertheless, I purposely didn’t plan anything today. That truly was for the best.

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Jun 14

Friday Crap Roundup XVIII

It’s Friday. I’m still sore and north of 275 pounds. Still, any day I manage to stay out of Jackson’s is a good day.

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Especially recently.

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Jun 11

In Search of Sexual Perestroika

A few days ago I wrote of my disdain for dating sites. In the short time since that post has already become the second most-viewed in the history of SB, second only to my exposé of gr8tits2play. That in turn implies my readership is – if nothing else – sexually frustrated.

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“But if you do, make sure your tetanus shots are up to date!”
Image credit: Frank Serritelli

The thing is, these days I’m not sexually frustrated in the slightest. I’m just bored.

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May 10

Friday Crap Roundup XIII

It’s the 13th installment of the Friday Crap Roundup! Like its predecessors, it’s more cheesy than scary.

Prediction: Total Crap

Although he can be a bit of a crank, I’m a fan of James Randi and his efforts to expose people with “supernatural” powers for the frauds they are. Earlier this week he called out noted “psychic” Sylvia Browne over her latest epic fail. To wit, on national TV in 2004 Browne told Jouwana Miller – mother of the long-missing Amanda Berry – that her daughter was dead. The problem is Berry was found earlier this week, traumatized but very much alive. The worst part is her mother died several years ago.

I try to keep an open mind about everything, but Randi’s logic is sound. There is simply no scientific evidence whatsoever supporting supernatural phenomena. If someone proves otherwise, great. Until then, can we please dispense with all these idiotic ghost hunter shows?

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And for a variety of reasons, don’t even get me started on the goddamn Blair Witch Project.

Accentuating the Positive, or Something

Tuesday’s post on regional accents was a big hit if my stats mean anything. I wrote that post on a spur of the moment basis after seeing the map on Facebook. Funny how topics like that become popular, while posts I plan days in advance get fewer views than an Abe Vigoda striptease.

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You’re on your own with the visuals.

I was hoping for a response from Rick Aschmann regarding my southern Idaho speech sample by now, but a couple days after my post The Huffington Post ran a story about his site too. Since they get a few more hits than I do, I suspect he’s pretty inundated at the moment. No fair! I wrote about it first!

In response to Duke’s comment, people are telling me things like that all the time now. Perhaps they feel sorry I’m turning 40 in a few weeks. Who knows?

Track of the Week

Since I’m on the road today (this FCR was written in advance), I figure some good travel music is in order:

Fitting, given that Atomic City is on the itinerary.

May 05

Relics of a Geek

Earlier today I stumbled across a Facebook conversation regarding those wedding dress shopping shows on TLC and what not. Like my friend, I fail to see the allure of something like Say Yes to the Dress. Beachy, however, is steadily moving away from Disney Channel and towards TLC. That show is one of her favorites.

“I’m pretty sure second-graders are in TLC’s target demographic now,” I commented to uproarious approval.

Then the conversation turned to what sort of things we watched or played with at that age. Some like to play “marriage.” Others liked to play “doctor.” I suppose I had more in common with the latter.

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Although I’ve never been terribly fond of roleplaying.
Image source: crackedmoon

They were my sister’s Barbies. Weirdos.

Anyway, Beachy’s sometimes odd behavior has plenty of precedent. In 1981 my class made Easter Bunny figures out of eggshells. Naturally most of my colleagues went with springy, pastel and/or religious themes. Finding that shit boring as hell, I dressed mine as figures from the then-recent assassination attempt on President Reagan.

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“Chasing Jodie Foster’s tail, up and down the bunny trail ….”

Then as now, not all of my interests revolved around the prurient and/or borderline psychotic. Not even close. My most cherished childhood possession? That’s a no-brainer. It’s my copy of the 1976 World Book Encyclopedia, which I still possess. Every time I sit down to write SB they’re on a shelf less than five feet away, acting as something of a talisman of a simpler time. Or one when Jerry Ford was still president, anyway.

Although I don’t refer to them anymore in this era of Wikipedia, they still rest in a place of honor here in the Command Center, all 22 splendorous volumes. I also have the complete 1945 Book of Knowledge, an encyclopedia set originally owned by my grandmother.

So while other kids were reading stuff like Charlotte’s Web and various Judy Blume titles, this was what I was reading. A lot.

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A LOT.

I wasn’t entirely a mutant, though. As a matter of fact, I have an original Optimus Prime from around 1985 in the staff car trunk right now. It’s not in Antiques Roadshow quality to say the least, but I still can’t bear to part with it.

I also can’t figure out where else to put it. It’s been in my trunk for over four years now.