Jul 23

Writing Q & A With Lane

You’d think a topic like Writer’s Tuesday would be easy. At least I did. But when writer’s block gets bad around here, it gets real freakin’ bad.

So today I decided to go to Facebook and Twitter and ask what y’all want to know from a professional writer. I’m glad to say I got enough material to write a halfway presentable entry. Well, at least I did from Facebook.

twitterfailwhale

I increasingly wonder why I bother with Twitter at all.
Image credit: Ben Ho

Much thanks for letting me bullshit through yet another day here.

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May 23

The Myth and Tyranny of the Muse

I truly am my own worst tyrant.

When I started this blog back in February I resolved to post an entry every single day. To date I’ve only failed to do so once, and that was because I knocked myself out somewhere on Orchard Street.

orchardstboise

Somewhere around here, I think.

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Mar 28

A Post About Nothing

I suppose it happens to the best of us. Call it lack of inspiration, a loss for words, writer’s block or what have you, all of us writers go through it from time to time. Unfortunately I haven’t written an analogue to The Catcher in the Rye yet, so I can’t just take the next 45 years off.

salinger

“Dear fans, piss off. Love, J.”
Image credit: bbnick42

It’s been suggested I could write something about nothing. It’s been done before: Seinfeld, most political speeches, the entire Meat Loaf catalog. The list goes on and on. Eh, maybe I’ll try something like that. I know! I’ll create the blog equivalent of John Cage’s 4’33”, a piano piece (or whatever instrument suits your fancy, it really doesn’t matter) consisting of four minutes and 33 seconds of … absolute silence.

Yes, this is an actual piece of music. It’s been a topic of serious discussion since its 1952 “premiere.” No less than NPR called it one of the “100 most important American musical works of the 20th Century.” Cage himself called it his favorite work. Hrm, I suppose the literary equivalent would be something like …

whitespace

Sheer minimalism! Genius!

But then again, this kind of crap doesn’t go over well in Idaho. I doubt anyone from The New Yorker or the The Village Voice reads my dreck, either. So much for that little theory.

Another way to go about this would be to write about my mundane life. It would be like a diary, but it would bore the hell out of anyone who reads it, including any Internet archaeologist who stumbles upon this blog hundreds of years from now. Hey, let’s try it out!

Dear Diary: Well, today was a boring day. Sneferu and Djoser have been running around like maniacs. I did laundry, no whites so I didn’t use any bleach. I did the dishes too. There were a lot more than usual. Oh yeah, I went downstairs and checked the mail. Well, I guess that’s all for today. Love, Lane

Still awake? Good! I could write either one of those things today. Or I could copy and paste the lorem ipsum placeholder text over and over in white letters so you can’t see them on your screen. Yes, dear readers, I would do anything for cheap laughs …

meatloaf

… but I won’t do that!
Image credit: Christie D. Mallon

Sorry, I couldn’t resist that one. All right, now it’s time for today’s entry!

Ah, crap. Lost the moment again ….

Mar 05

The Muse is a Bitch

Much like yesterday, there are days when shit bloody nothing happens here at the Command Center. I can only watch the Pyramid Brothers lick their asses for so long. Yet I have a commitment to write every day. That’s a big reason why I do this. I’m finally feeling better after a long illness, and I’ll be damned if inactivity is going to pull me down again.

So I can relate to the guys who create, or rather created, Homestar Runner.

homestar

You know, this guy.

The Brothers Chaps, who envisioned the aforementioned character, were incredibly productive for a very long time. Check out the Strong Bad e-mails for verification. They were working with Adobe Flash and and such happy horseshit too. You know, words AND images. They did it every week for years. I just steal images from Wikipedia and write snarky comments about them.

Od_jeane-kirkpatrick-official-portrait_1-255x301

… is nobody’s baby.
If you get the reference, especially if you’re a single female, I love you.

Anyway, the point is after about eight years or so the entire Homestar Runner site stopped providing new content. Just freakin’ stopped. The last update there was well over two years ago. I don’t mean to denigrate them in the slightest. They had a hell of a run few of us will ever duplicate. Shit, I haven’t even made it a month here and I’m already feeling that heat.

Hell, History Wednesday is tomorrow. I know what I want to write about, but I don’t even have a draft yet.

Back in the dark ages of Milli Vanilli I was a cross country runner. It was said during practice that after a few runs your quality would drop off sharply, only to progressively get better as time progressed. That was with continued practice, of course. I happen to believe that’s true. My experience with writing strongly suggests the same rules apply.

I hope the Brothers Chaps aren’t done. I hope I have plenty left in the tank myself. I can only get away with bullshit like this for so long ….